


Fair

by AngelynMoon



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Complex feelings, Families of Choice, Fondue, Forgiveness, Gay Steve Rogers, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hints of Hydra, Hurt No Comfort, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Memories, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Pepper and Tony sort of Adopt Steve, Platonic Bed Sharing, Renewing Vows, Sort Of, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Steve is the Baby Avenger, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapy, Weddings, sad Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:27:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24648712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelynMoon/pseuds/AngelynMoon
Summary: Some things just weren't fair.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Steve Rogers, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Pepper Potts & Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark
Comments: 31
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

He's angry at first, miles away from New York and S.H.I.E.L.D and Stark.

He's so angry that he has to stop because he can't breath and his vision goes spotty.

He ends up sitting there on his bike as he tries to breath, it hurts but Steve tries to hold on to the anger, doesn't want to acknowledge the other feelings that swirl within.

But he has to eventually.

The grief curls up as quick as always, sweeping in and feeling like Bucky's arms holding him, a memory, a ghost of what it once was, just a caress of wind rather than the tight embrace, it reminds him of the wind that slashed at his face as Bucky clung to the train, reminds him of a scream lost in it's howling as Bucky fell and fell and then was lost.

Steve remembers the Plane, remembers his fight with the Red Skull, he remembers the bombs and the way he couldn't let them kill all those people.

He remembers making the choice to join Bucky rather than save himself and live a life without his love.

He remembers saying goodbye to Peggy, the only one he'd told about him and Bucky, she'd covered for them, promised that she aways would.

Then he was crashing, the ice cold water filling the plane and he was breathing it in because why shouldn't he?

And now he's here and it's not fair.

It's not fair that Tony could do the same thing as him and still get his happily ever after.

Not fair that Tony sacrifices his life and gets to go home.

Home to his Miss Potts, home to his tower and his toys and Steve is stuck here, alone in the future with nothing but memories.

It wasn't supposed to be like this, Steve thinks, he was supposed to get to go home too, home to Bucky's open arms, his bright smile and his stupid dancing eyes.

Steve was supposed to get his happy ending too, it didn't matter that it would be on the wrong side of life, not if Bucky was there, it didn't.

He was supposed to go home, Steve thought, it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair.

Steve sobbed as the cars whizzed by him, face buried in his hands as he tried to pull himself together.

Everything was too loud, too busy, Steve wanted to go home.

Home to their quiet little apartment, where Bucky would be making dinner as Steve got home from selling a drawing, and they'd sit together, close and touching all along one side, and then they'd wash up and Bucky'd turn on the radio and they'd dance slowly across their living room and when Steve needed to stop to breath Bucky'd lift him up instead and just keep dancing them together until Steve fell asleep.

Steve wanted to go home, and it wasn't fair that he got stuck here in the future instead, it wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair that Tony got what he didn't what he'd tried so hard to get, it wasn't fair, it wasn't.

Steve managed to pull himself together and pulled back out into the traffic.

At least he could do one thing Bucky had always wanted to do.

The Grande Canyon should be far enough away from New York that no one would look twice.

And if he should fall..., well, he'd finally get to go home.

He'd get his happily ever after, just like Tony.

It was only fair.

\---

A/n: so this came about from me wondering if Steve would be jealous of Tony, considering that Tony basically did the same thing Steve did at the end of Captain America only Tony got to go home to Pepper and redesign his tower, he got to live in the same world he saved and Steve didn't.

I don't know, I feel like Steve would have a few feelings about it.

Haven't decided if this is a one shot or not, if Bucky is dead or not so don't expect more.


	2. Chapter 2

"What's it feel like?" Steve asks Tony when he comes back from the Grande Canyon.

Tony frowns, "What does what feel like?"

Steve pauses as he lifts something that connects to another thing which Tony begins to weld.

"What's it feel like to go home after dying?" Steve says quietly, not looking at Tony, focusing on the beam in his grip.

"Steve...," Tony starts.

"Never mind, it was a stupid question." Steve sighs and adjusts his hold.

"It's not stupid." Tony says and sets the welder aside, "I... I don't know what kind of answer you're looking for, what's going on in that head of yours..."

"I was supposed to go home." Steve interrupts, "I was supposed to crash the plane and go home. Bucky was waiting for me."

The beam in his arms is dropped as he releases it to turn away from Tony fully.

"It's not fair that you did the same thing as I did and I'm stuck here and you got to go home to Miss Potts!" Steve yelled angrily.

But there was a sadness there too, something that curled up in his heart and cried.

"Steve." Tony said softly, reaching out to grip his shoulder.

Steve wanted to pull away, wanted to stay angry, anger was easier but he felt something crack and he let himself fall into Tony's chest.

"Bucky was waiting for me, Tony, and I was supposed to go home, he's waiting for me to come home and I'm here. And it's so loud. I want to go home." Steve whispered as a sob worked it's way up his throat, "I want to go home."

Tony held him tight, for once saying nothing as he pet Steve's hair softly, tucking the taller man under his chin.

What could he say to Steve, Tony had his home, broken and being rebuilt, he had Pepper alive and safe, if Tony remembered correctly Bucky Barnes had been killed in action before Steve even steered the plane into the Arctic, although if what he could glean from Steve's words was correct, that might be the reason he'd set that course.

What do you say to someone who lost their other half, who had woken up in a world so unlike his own?

"It feels like breathing." Tony whispered, "Like life, like a cool drink of water after walking days in the desert, like a full meal after being starved, foolish but lovely and it all comes back up but it tastes just as wonderful as it comes back up, but with a painful reminder that this is not something you can have yet."

Steve lets out another sob.

"Coming home after dying feels a lot like living, painful but sweet, distorted and yet perfect." Tony told him, "I know it hurts, I can't make it not, but maybe, maybe stick around for a bit, see if you can find something worth staying for."

"I'm not going anywhere, Tony, if I was going to do anything I'd've done it at the Grande Canyon, Bucky always wanted to see it, made me promise. There are a lot more guardrails than.I expected and a lot more security." Steve pulled away with a little shrug.

"Alright, look, I know it was a bit of a taboo thing in your time but you're getting a therapist." Tony told Steve, "Not negotiable, and you're staying with us, you need a puppy, I'll get you a puppy, but we're going to get you through this and yeah, there are days that you'll hate me and probably yourself but think of it this way, Bucky deserves to hear all about the future he never got to see when you finally go home."

Steve looked at Tony and he looked so young as he stared at Tony.

"I..., do you think you could build a flying car?" Steve asked.

"What?" Tony stared.

"Before he shiped out there was an Expo, your dad promised us a flying car, I haven't seen one yet." Steve told him, something sad in his eyes.

"Okay, yeah, but you're helping." Tony said.

"I..., I think I'd like that, Tony." Steve gave half a smile.

"But first, let's finish here before Pepper yells at us."

Steve gave a little chuckle and lifted the beam up again.

And Tony absently started to make plans for the Flying Car with J.A.R.V.I.S. as he welded the beam into place, Steve making a few hopeful suggestions.

\--  
A/n: just a bit of an addition I thought up and had to get out.

Not sure if this is going to just be a grief/ recovery story with HelpfulTony or if Bucky's going to appear as the Winter Soldier but have this.

I don't expect this to become.a Tony/Steve fic, Tony is happily with Pepper and Steve is still too in Love with Bucky to even think about moving on with someone else.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve names his Puppy. 
> 
> Warnings: Steve says Shit because of the dog, also dog eats it's poop because that's a thing some dogs do and it's gross.

Naming the Puppy Tony brings home one day for Steve is hard. There are so many almost names that Steve thinks to call her but then again each of those maybe names make him cry, if not on the outside then on the inside, deep in the hollow place that losing all his friends and family made.

His first thought is to name her Peggy, or even Agent but he thinks about the old woman in a home who only recognizes him less than half the time he visits, some days she calls him her grandson, from one of the children she adopted with her husband, an orphan made by Hitler and she asks him about his wife when Peggy knew that Steve Rogers had been in love with a man, other days she knows him, but she doesn't remember the War is over, she asks him about Bucky and Steve lies to her, she won't remember anyway.

His therapist thinks it's good for him to visit Peggy but Steve isn't so sure, it reminds him of everything he's lost. He's not so sure that the S.H.I.E.L.D. approved therapist even wants to help him, everything he tells Steve to do seems set on reminding him about his past and what he no longer has. He's thinking of talking to Pepper about her finding him a new one, one that might be able to help him move forward instead of back.

He's thought about naming the puppy after Pepper too, the woman has been so patient with him, so understanding when he appears at Tony's doorway after a nightmare, allowing him to climb into bed with them, nothing untoward because Steve doesn't see either of them like that. 

Steve has accepted that he sees them more like parents than anything, not just because they are both so much older than him in years lived and he's relatively young, only 27 in terms of years lived, but also because they are helping him, being supportive in a way he only recalls his mom, Bucky's mom and Bucky being, but his mom had worked so often because they'd needed the money for when Steve got sick and Bucky's mom had had three other children besides Bucky to worry over, she'd fed him when she could, putting two portions on Bucky's plate for them to share on the days when Steve's mom had the night shift and turned the other way when Bucky put his mother's ring on his finger one dark night after Steve had recovered from yet another illness, but there had been a small cake for them to share at dinner the following night, for Bucky's birthday she'd said but they'd both known and loved her for showing what she could never say.

But he realised that naming the Puppy Pepper would be confusing even if her name was really Virginia.

Then there had been the amusement of naming the Puppy after Tony, because the thought of calling the Puppy and having Tony respond had actually made him laugh softly as he scratched the Puppy's ear before he figured that it would stop being funny and start being annoying eventually.

He'd even thought of naming the little thing after Bucky, not Bucky or James but Sargent but that had only made him cry and crawl into Tony and Pepper's bed before he'd even had a nightmare.

He vaguely recalled Tony asking Pepper if this was what having children was like as he fell asleep between them, Pepper's soft laughter almost a lullaby and the Puppy tucked up under his chin, at least they'd have practice, Steve had thought before letting himself drift away.

So the Puppy was yet unnamed as Steve took her out for a walk and to do her business, pausing as he realized he didn't have any of those little doggie bags to pick up her poop because apparently just leaving it was a big no-no these days.

Steve searched his pockets for something to pick the poop up as the Puppy started to run circles around him and Steve got tangled up in her leash because that was another thing that you had to have and suddenly he was falling over into the grass, thankfully missing the Puppy's poop.

"You are such a little shit." Steve couldn't help saying as the Puppy looked down at him innocently.

She yipped and licked him before moving to her poop and started to eat it.

"No!" Steve yelled as he scrambled up to his knees to grab her up, half the poop falling back to the grass, "You're disgusting." Steve told the Puppy as he held her.

She licked at him and Steve made a face and held her away from him, frowning at her.

"Here." A child's voice said. 

Steve looked over and stared at the kid holding out a napkin.

"For the poop." The child said.

"Oh, thanks." Steve said as he took the napkin, "Um... Would you mind holding her for a moment?"

"Yes!" The child shouted, "I mean, sure."

Steve handed the Puppy over and untangled the leash from around his legs after the child was holding the Puppy, cooing to her softly and scratching her ears.

Steve picked the poop up and the two walked over to a trashcan.

"What's her name?" The boy asked as he set the Puppy down, still petting her as Steve grabbed her leash.

"Um...," Steve looked down at the Puppy whose tail was wagging non-stop as the boy gave her attention, then she looked up at Steve with those big eyes that said 'just look how innocent I am.' 

"You little shit." Steve told her again.

"You named your dog Shit?" The boy asked.

"Um...," Steve stared down at the wide eyed child and the too happy Puppy, "You know what, yeah, her name's Shit, because she won't stop eating it." 

The Puppy yipped and the kid blushed, "It's your dog, I guess."

"What would you name her?" Steve asked, curious, he was tempted to actually name her Shit but had a feeling that Tony would laugh his ass off over it and Pepper would frown disapprovingly because Captain America was apparently a paragon of virtue and wholesome values, like being a straight white man who hated all things new like gay rights and freedom of choice.

It had made Steve laugh so hard when he had heard half the stuff he supposedly supported and he'd asked Pepper about dealing with people using his image to further their own causes and she'd gotten this look in her eyes and she'd started suing people for using Captain America without his permission and Tony had helped her with a skip in his step.

Steve had even shown up at some kind of Parade in uniform and stared down a few people that tried to hassel the kids there, he'd walked them home in groups when it was over and let some of them paint colorful flags on his cheeks.

He'd come back to the Tower with a Rainbow flag around his shoulders and his Shield re-painted pink, purple, and blue.

Tony had taken a few pictures before explaining just what the flags and colors meant and offered to make a statement on his behalf.

Steve had made the decision to make his own statement after a few days of talking it out with Pepper instead of his therapist. 

There had been a lot of speculation and hope during those three days before Steve made his announcement, admitting that at the time of the Parade he hadn't been aware of the meanings of the Flags or the Parade itself, but that he was in fact Gay, had been in a long-term relationship with James Barnes and that as far as they and their families had been concerned they had been married since they Steve was Sixteen. He'd explained that Bucky had not been gay but what they now called Bi-sexual, even though he'd been with Steve and that Steve really liked the pictures that Tony had taken of him with his Rainbow flag on his shoulders and the Bi-flag on his Shield because Bucky had always been his protector even after he could protect himself. 

They'd taken no question because just that statement had brought back the fact that Bucky was gone and Steve was alone and he'd been near tears, voice cracking as he spoke about Bucky and what they'd been.

And while a lot of people called for a new Captain America Steve had just rolled his eyes, stating to some of the more vocal reporters that he'd always been this way, that the reason all those men got to walk out of Azzano had been because he loved Bucky so much, that he'd disobeyed orders to go behind enemy lines to save him, no one else, just Bucky, that he'd decided he was going to save Bucky or die trying.

That had silenced most of them, the realization that Captain America's most famous mission was a result of disobedience, and had made Tony look at him in a new way because Steve was no longer a perfect image but a man with his own thoughts and it made Steve wonder just what Howard had told Tony growing up.

"I don't know, my aunt says I can't have a dog." The kid told him.

Steve stared, "If you want to play with her, we come here every morning, though you should probably ask your aunt, I think they have rules about kids hanging out with strange old people."

The kid looked up at him with a confused expression before squinting at him.

"Oh my Jesus, you're Captain America!" The child squealed, in a very high pitched that made Steve wince.

"Sometimes, mostly I'm just Steve." Steve told the kid.

"Peter!" A woman shouted as she stormed over, "Don't run off like that!"

"Aunt May, Aunt May, it's Captain Steve." The boy tugged on her sleeve excitedly and Steve laughed.

"Steve Rogers." Steve said as he held out a hand to the woman.

"May Parker." She said sounding a little dazed.

"Ma'am, Peter was just helping me with my dog, I forgot doggie bags when I left and well..." Steve felt a little like he was being scolded even though she hadn't said anything.

"Oh, well, that was very nice of you Peter but you should be more careful." The woman told Peter.

"I was actually wondering, Peter said he's not allowed to have a dog, but I'm not much for throwing a ball for hours, would you let him play with mine for a few hours, I'd take him for lunch and bring him home at whatever time you tell me to." Steve asked.

"Well." Ms. Parker seemed reluctant.

"It's fine if you say no, I just thought, well, I don't have a whole lot to do most days when we aren't saving the world, Tony's got his business and all the rest of the Avengers had day jobs, I'm just kind of catching up, something Peter could also help me with. And maybe he can dog-sit when we have to go out." Steve told her.

"Please, Aunt May, then you won't have to take days off when my usual sitter can't watch me." Peter asked, eyes wide and pleading.

"Alright, but I'm staying the first week." Ms. Parker agreed.

"That's perfect." Steve grinned.

"We have to name you dog first, Mr. Steve, I don't think Aunt May will be okay with her being called Shit." Peter whispered to Steve loudly.

Steve blushed as Ms. Parker's eyes turned to him with a frown.

"I've..., I've been having trouble deciding on a name for her and she keeps eating her own..., yeah." Steve explained, feeling awkward.

"You could call her Liberty, because you're Captain America." Peter suggested.

"She's not Captain America's dog though, she's Steve's." Ms. Parker reminded Peter.

"Right." Peter frowned as he stared at the puppy he returned to petting.

Steve smiled as he sat with the Puppy and Peter, adding his own pets and letting the Puppy climb into his lap before she went back to Peter's pets.

May Parker watched them with indulgent eyes and realized that she wouldn't have a problem letting Steve look after Peter, she was still going to make sure of that for a few days because she could see that Steve could do with some mothering of his own.

"You could name her after your favorite place." May suggested.

"Brooklyn." Steve said instantly.

Peter giggled, "That's weird."

"Or...," Steve blushed, "Coney Island."

"Why Coney Island?" Peter asked as May sat next to them on the grass, petting the Puppy when she climber into her lap as well.

"Um...," Steve glanced at Peter and then May, "Bucky and I went every year, for..., for our anniversary, whenever we could afford it, sometimes we'd have to sneak in so we could get on at least one ride and have some cotton candy."

"Aw." Peter said, "You should name her Cotton Candy."

Steve laughed a little, it was tinged with sadness, May could tell but still joyful.

Steve looked at the Puppy as she climbed into his lap and settled down to nap.

"I think, I think I like Island..., for her name, it's not...?" Steve looked at May.

"It sounds lovely." May told him, "Island it is, then." 

"Cool." Peter grinned, "Can we get Ice cream? For a celebration of her naming?" 

Steve laughed, a little more joyful than the previous one, "Yeah, I'll buy." 

May opened her mouth to protest but something halted her as Steve rearranged Island and lifted Peter onto one of his shoulders before he stood up and wandered over to a vendor.

Peter ordered his usual strawberry and Steve ordered a cone with half chocolate half vanilla, turning to her with kind eyes.

She ordered a small frozen yogurt and watched Steve pay.

She noticed that he only ate the chocolate half of his cone before pausing as he looked at the untouched vanilla half and tears welled up in his eyes as he began to eat that half as well, the tears falling as Peter ran around with Island after finishing his own Ice cream.

And May realized that Bucky must have always eaten the vanilla half before.

'Poor Steve.' May thought as she watched him join Peter in running after Island, 'What must it be like to grieve a husband while being forced to adjust to a whole new world? At least he had Ms. Potts and Tony Stark in his corner, and now he had little Peter, and herself.' She supposed as she watched Steve lift Peter up and then set him down, her boy laughing happily as the Puppy barked and yipped, tail wagging.

May sat on a bench to watch them, pulling out the book she'd been planning on reading while taking the train home, confident that Steve wouldn't let any harm come to Peter, despite having only just met him, there were some people that you could just tell were good people.

\---

A/n: i don't know, at first I was going to have Peter just be ambiguously Peter Parker and then he decided that nope, we're going to just have at it.

For this I feel like Peter is only around seven, I know at the time of the Avengers Peter is like 12 but baby Peter happened because he wants to play with the Puppy.

Also, I feel like May is doing the single parent thing, so for now no Uncle Ben, that might change, possibly this being an au where they meet later and he takes her name, haven't really decided on that front.


	4. Chapter 4

"He doesn't remember." Tony said softly to Pepper as they watched the man in the Hulk room.

"Doesn't remember what?" Pepper asked, "Tony, who is this man?"

Tony sighed and turned to Pepper, "According to the encrypted S.H.I.E.L.D. files I found that man is one Sargent James Barnes, also known as Bucky Barnes, only he doesn't know that."

"How?" Pepper asked, eyes going back to the man who was petting the blanket softly, a look of surprise and joy on his face, as though this was the first time he'd touched something so soft.

"From what I've read he survived the Fall in the Alps, a sub unit of Hydra found him and continued Zola's experimentations, they've been....," Tony paused to collect himself, still feeling a little nauseous about what had been done to Barnes, "They electrocuted him and other things until he..., they used him to kill people, and then the froze him like left overs." 

"Tony." Pepper reached out to him.

"He killed my parents, Pep, but how can I blame him when he can't even tell me his own name?" Tony asked leaning into her, "And Steve, this is going to kill him, he left Bucky there, left him for dead and now I've got to tell him that Bucky lived and was tortured and that he doesn't know him. I just..., Steve's been doing so well lately with the new therapist and Peter and I just know this is going to be a set back for him."

"You can't keep it from him." Pepper told him.

"I know but how can I tell him without hurting him?" Tony asked.

"I don't know." Pepper answered turning back to the man that was walking up to the window that separated them.

The man tapped gently on the glass with his the pointer finger on his right hand, the left arm gone, metal wrapped around his shoulder, for what purpose Pepper had no clue.

"I'm hungry." James Barnes said as he stared at them.

"Right, right." Tony said and went off.

James frowned, frown deepening when Tony returned with food.

"I get to eat?" James asked in a tiny voice, "Not... IV's?"

"No IV's unless you need extra nutrients, and you'll still get real food." Tony promised as he handed James the tray through the little window.

James walked to the bed to eat, eating slow and glancing over at them like he expected them to take the food away.

"How can I hate him, Pepper, when he looks at me like that?" Tony asked.

"You know you can't keep him in the Hulk cage." Pepper told him instead.

Tony barked out a laugh, stopping when he saw James flinch at the loud and sudden noise.

"I'm not keeping him there, Pepper, he won't leave, we put him in there because it was closest to the lab and I needed to get the Hydra arm off his shoulder before it blew up, and now he refuses to leave, I've already started setting up a room near Steve's for when we tell him but getting Barnes there is a whole different challenge." Tony told her.

"Hmm, well, I am going to go out and get him some clothes." Pepper eyed the drab grey sweats that Bruce usually donned after a Hulk out.

"Alright, I think I'm gonna stay here a bit, think on how to break this to Steve." Tony whispered.

Pepper pressed a kiss to Tony's temple, "It'll be okay, Tony, we're here to help them both recover, maybe now Steve might actually stop eyeing the knives in the kitchen."

"He's doing what?" Tony turned to her, eyes wide and a touch of fear in them.

"He's just looking, usually he seeks me out after, helps me sort my paperwork with Island in his lap but, I don't think he's been doing as well as he's presented." Pepper explained.

Tony sighed, "Well, here's hoping this helps then, I guess." 

Pepper smiled a little sadly before leaving Tony to watch James eat.

\---

A/n: so, here's Bucky. 

I don't know, I think that Tony didn't have much time to parse through the SHIELD files after he hacked them so here he makes time and he finds Bucky and goes to fetch him, half expecting the man to call him Howard and ask about Steve, only he doesn't and acts like a blank slate and it scares Tony bit and then the Arm starts beeping and Tony's gotta get it off before it kills them and then he sticks Bucky in the Hulk out room by the Lab so he can stop the arm from blowing and Bucky thinks that this place is safe so I'm staying here thanks.


	5. Chapter 5

He watches him sleep, part of him knows that this is wrong, but he can't help it, he needs to see the steady rise and fall of his chest, needs to make sure it stays that way.

He remembers this man, not his name or why he means so much to him but he knows that this man is his life, his reason for being.

He remembers his face, eyes crinkled in laughter, soft with love and filled with want. He remembers the taste of his lips against his tongue, candy cotton wisps flavoring them as they touch his, he recalls the glare he kissed away, acidic taste of sickness lingering after they rode a ride.

He remembers fear and two flesh hands folded in prayer as he begged the Lord not to take him, remembered offering his own life if only the Lord would spare his.

He remembers nights curled together so close that he wasn't sure they weren't one person, that wasn't mentioning the nights they slept still connected intimately.

Yes, he thinks, I know this man, he's mine as I'm his.

The man blinks awake slowly, eyes sleepy as he catches sight of him in his dark corner.

"Bucky?" He asks, frowning at him and he wonders what the man in the bed will do.

He doesn't remember the name but it sounds right coming from this man's lips, like it might actually belong to him.

"What'ca doing over there, Buck, come to bed." The man orders and the Soldier hesitates for a moment causing the man to reach out to him, "Come on, 's cold."

The man holds up the blanket for him to slip under, the dog, Puppy really, at the foot of the bed shifting over, half whining at being disturbed.

The Soldier crawls into the bed, the man tucking himself along his side, hands resting briefly on his left shoulder before moving to hold him under his ribs, head using his right shoulder for a pillow as the Soldier's only arm wraps around the man's shoulders.

For a moment there is only the sound of their breathing and if the Soldier were any less aware he might have thought the man had fallen back to sleep.

"This isn't a dream, is it?" He asks softly as he nuzzles against the Soldier's chest.

"'S a good dream if it is, I like this dream." The Soldier tells him.

"Yeah?" The man asks, looking up at him with those too blue eyes filled with tears and hope and a trace of fear, and the Soldier wondered if he feared this really was a dream.

The Soldier stared and then pulled the man close to him to press a kiss against the man's forehead, "My best dream, always."

And he held the man as best he could as he began to cry, body shaking and tears wetting his shirtsleeve, wanting to brush those tears away and wondering what he'd done to cause them, unaware that he'd repeated almost word for word something whispered the morning after he'd slipped his mother's ring onto a long, thin finger a life time ago.

\---

A/n: Tony apparently can't keep track of a SuperSoldier amnesiac Assassin very well because Bucky hears him talking about Steve/Captain America to Bruce, who was sworn to secrecy about Bucky because Tony isn't a very knowledgeable about Human anatomy and he needed help so he could make something to help Bucky remember and Bucky recalls a man in a flag and him doing stuff and he gets curious and the sight of Steve brings a cascade of images and he might not remember exactly but Bucky knows that this man is his.

And Island doesn't bark or anything because she's not a very good guard dog, also she's just a baby and Steve hasn't exactly been training her to be an attack dog, he's been treating her like a baby and she's been socialized with the Avengers, Peter and his friends so she's just very friendly and ignores Bucky.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve's puppy was named Island in a previous chapter for those of you who missed it.

Steve wakes, expecting Bucky's appearance in his bed the night before to have been a dream but hoping that it had been real.

He can't help the stab of disappointment when he realizes that he's alone in the bed, can't help the sorrow and grief that rise up and make tears appear in his eyes.

He wipes them away almost angrily, he should have know better, he should have expected Bucky to have been a dream, a weird dream who had been missing an arm but a dream nonetheless.

Steve gets out of the bed and heads to the bathroom, wondering where Island was since she wasn't tripping him by running around and under his feet.

Halfway through drying his hair Steve pauses, Island has always been underfoot when he heads to the bathroom, when he goes anywhere unless they are on a run, never once has she not been more than an arms length away, not even to eat because she'd whine and wouldn't eat unless her bowl was at his feet while he ate his own food, sometimes he was grateful for that, she ensured he didn't forget to eat at least.

"Island?" Steve called as he searched through the apartment, "Where are you, sweetie?" 

Island growled and Steve felt himself freeze at the sight of of Bucky playing tug of war with the puppy, lifting her up from the floor when he noticed Steve.

"You're real." Steve breathed, hands reaching but halting, half afraid it was just a hallucination or that he was still dreaming.

"I guess." Bucky shrugged as he settled Island against his chest, "She wouldn't eat and she peed on my shoes."

"She does that, she also eats her poop." Steve informed him, unable to help his smile, "But she's still learning, aren't you, lovely?" Steve cooed as he reached for Island and cooed at her as she licked his face.

Bucky frowned, "You never could resist babying strays."

Steve glanced at him, "Island isn't a stray."

"She's yours, you were allergic." Bucky said slowly, like he was struggling to make sense of something, "You aren't now."

"Nope, no more allergies." Steve confirmed, "Bucky?"

Bucky looked at him expectantly.

"Not that I don't want you to be here, or that I'm not glad you are but how exactly are you here, not looking like you actually lived the last 70 years?" Steve asked as he held Island close, like he'd once held Bucky so long ago.

"I don't... There are a lot of thing I don't remember, things that I don't want to, but I remember you, I remember that you were mine and I was yours and I didn't want...., you asked me to join you and it felt right, that name you call me, 'Bucky' it feels like it belongs to me." Bucky whispered softly.

"Oh, well, are you hungry?" Steve asked instead of trying to understand all of that, they could deal with it later, they would deal with it later, Steve wasn't sure what to do with all of it but he could feed Bucky, Bucky and him and Island too.

"Maybe. I don't know what I like." Bucky said, he sounded almost sad.

"Well, we can make pancakes and french toast and eggs, and I think I have bacon too." Steve smiled as he tucked Island under his chin, scratching her ears as she licked at him.

"That sounds nice." Bucky said with a smile.

"Great." Steve said with a matching smile.

\---

A/n: and they have a nice breakfast where Island sits on Bucky's lap getting fed most of his Bacon much to Steve's amusement because Steve knows that Bucky had just as much of a soft spot for all those Strays Steve tried to keep, feeding them and finding them good homes because Steve couldn't.

And maybe halfway through Tony burst into the apartment in a panic because oh god he lost Steve's amnesiac assassin boyfriend/husband before he'd even gotten to tell the supersoldier he was alive.

And oh there he is, well, Hi?

J.A.R.V.I.S. doesn't tell Tony things that go on in the Avengers' personal apartments/floors because A.) It's an invasion of privacy and J.A.R.V.I.S. learned manners from Ms. Potts, and B.) J.A.R.V.I.S. is a little shit (a given when one was created by Tony Stark.)

Bucky becomes one of Island's favorite people and when he can't talk to the therapist he talks to Island in the Therapist's presence which works for them, said therapist is not Steve's therapist but they were both selected by Pepper who has begun to document things and work on getting Bucky cleared for the things Hydra made him do and also get him declared alive after being missing in action/dead for so long and he gets named the longest serving Prisoner of War and there are a lot of LGBTQ supporters behind them because Tony absolutely began posting pictures of Bucky and Steve with Island and Peter (with May's permission) and they are adorable, and also just Steve and Bucky being soft, like holding hands or sleeping on one another of feeding each other.

He might also sue people that try to slander Bucky and/or Steve and tries to make sure neither of them see the mean stuff, Natasha helps when Tony finally tells the other Avengers everything they missed, Natasha and Clint being on a mission for Fury and Thor being on Asgard, and at one point Bucky remembers her.

Sorry about the long note, and I may actually write some of this out but if I don't put it here I'll probably forget about it so you have a cliff's note sort of story thing.


	7. Chapter 7

Tony Stark shows him what Steve has been doing, he shows him the past interviews and news coverage like he's hoping that will help him remember and some of it does.

Steve after a fight is something that swims into his brain no matter what he looks like, though he has to admit that seeing his person small and covered in bruises makes him ache like he wants to cry but he can't because it is only memories and men don't cry.

No, what catches his focus is Steve's face, the forced smile and the pain filled eyes.

The slowness of his movements as he helps clean debris from the streets, even in the film reels he watches he can tell that Steve is exhausted, hurt and no matter how much he smiles for the people who come to shake his hand or thank him that smile never reaches his eyes.

Maybe that's why he uses his new Starkphone to capture the laugh that Steve lets out when Island licks his face as he lifts her up to his chest where he sits on the couch. Maybe that's why he catches Steve and Peter making a mess of the kitchen with wide grins and icing across their cheeks and on their fingers where they had taste tested. 

But once he's taken them he doesn't know what to do with them.

He shows them to Ms. Parker when they take Peter home and she asks him to send them to her and then walks him through how to do so.

She gives him printed copies that he tucks into his pockets, keeping them close to his heart because that's what the three of them have become, Peter, Island, and Steve, and Ms. Parker and Tony and Ms. Potts are getting there though he's still wary of the rest of Steve's new team, he trust them to bring his Steve home but can't trust them with him in the down time, not really, not when they didn't notice that Steve was wrong.

And then Ms. Potts complains about Tony's obsession with something called Twitter and he can't help his curiosity.

He laughs because it's cute, he searches Steve's name because he can and most of it's nice, kind words and thanks but there are some bad words, angry and ugly and he wants to grab a gun and find those people, instead he makes a Twitter thing and posts a picture he took that morning of Steve and Island coming out of the bedroom, blurry eyed with Steve's hair up in all directions and the soft little smile he sent him when he noticed him.

He captioned it with 'how can you hate this man?' And tagged it with Captain Bedhead and Lovable Island before posting.

He turned the phone off because he had his Therapy session soon and stopped to get Island from Steve first.

After they finished turned the phone back on and texted Steve that he was done with his session and he settled himself on the public couch to cuddle with Island, he liked to sit here to parse through what the sessions brought up, didn't like bringing them back to the rooms he shared with Steve and most of the time he was left alone until he let Island go.

Today Tony sat next to him.

"So you found Twitter." Tony grinned.

Bucky shrugged, he supposed that it was okay to use the name Steve gave him, it felt right, like it was his and maybe it wasn't but he could borrow it until he found a better one, though he doubted that would happen, especially since he liked the way Steve said the name, the little smile in his eyes when he said it, secret and just for him.

"Look no one is mad, but you gotta be careful about posting stuff, especially pictures. Also, you probably shouldn't post pictures with Peter since he's a kid." Tony explained.

"Okay." Bucky said, though he didn't know why he couldn't post pictures of the kid, he'd have to find out, maybe Ms. Parker could explain.

"Since you've gone on Twitter we issued an official statement about your survival and your recovery, we're also having J.A.R.V.I.S. monitor your feed just in case Hydra shows up to get you back because apparently Hydra was in S.H.I.E.L.D., though they tried to get most of them there might be some still around. Steve was kinda pissed." Tony laughed.

"Yeah, he yelled a bit the other day, scared Island a little." Bucky said and he scratched the puppy's ear.

"How are you doing with her? I know you didn't really expect all of this." Tony asked.

"It's okay, Steve always wanted a dog or a cat or the raccoon that ate our trash at night but he was allergic before." Bucky shrugged.

"Raccoon?" Tony couldn't help asking.

"Yeah, imagine my surprise when I found it curled up in my pants because I didn't know Steve invited it in. It was really cold that winter." Bucky said, a little distantly as he recalled the memory, "I named it Steve for it's time in the apartment, because they were both scrappy little fighters, that thing clawed up my pants and nearly got me before Steve heard the racket and came to get the horrid thing." Bucky smiled a little at the memory of Steve asking if it could stay, just until it was a little warmer, "I never could say no to him."

"I couldn't say no to you either." Steve said softly as he came over to sit with them.

"Your boyfriend got himself a Twitter." Tony crowed.

Steve's face did a twist and he frowned, "You need to be careful with that, there are a lot of weird people there, nice but weird a lot of them kept asking me what Captain America's kinks were. Pepper told me to ignore them and I stopped doing the twitter thing."

"I posted you on there." Bucky admitted.

"Oh?" Steve asked.

"The picture this morning, it was cute." Bucky told him.

"Okay, just nothing naked." Steve told him with a kiss making Tony fall off the couch.

"Only I get naked Steve." Bucky said, sure of the statement.

Steve laughed and took Island and cuddled his face into her golden fur, blue eyes looking at him through the golden strands, eyes smiling and alive.

Bucky took another picture and posted it on the Twitter, captioning it with 'the loves of my life, so glad I don't have to miss this.' Tagging it with Captain Cutie and Lovable Island.

After all the pictures he's seen of Steve before he came back to him of Steve's sad, lonely, eyes and empty, broken smiles, Bucky has decided his new mission is to show the world what a happy Steve looks like and make them feel bad for not noticing that his husband was hurting.

And that was a new thought, were they married?

"Hey, Steve, did we get married?" Bucky asked and Steve's wide eyes and his grin was answer enough.

Yeah, he was going to show the future how his husband looked when he was happy, because his husband deserved to be happy and if Bucky could make him happy then he would.

\---  
A/n: i do not have a twitter, not really something I'm into so if I portray it incorrectly then let me know.

I was going to have Tony do the posting but Bucky decided he was gonna do it instead, that's not to say that Tony doesn't post pictures of them both when they are distracted by something, usually Peter or Island.

Loveable Island trends as does Captain Cutie because it'd be adorable.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little thing spawned from a passing though that took over me and now here you have it.

"You know this is almost as bad as the time you decided to build a Tardis." Is all Rhodey said as he sat next to Tony.

"Urg, I know. I know." Tony groaned but what could he do, Steve him asked him for a flying car and then Barnes had remembered his dad promising them and asked where they were and now Tony was surrounded by parts and pieces of engines.

"You could tell them that it's actually not possible." Rhodey suggested, "I'm sure they'd understand."

Tony looked up at Rhodey, feeling betrayed that his friend didn't think he could build a flying car.

"Oh, no, come on, Tony." Rhodey cried as Tony got up from the floor.

"Nope, I'm going to do this and it's going to work. Plus they saw Chitty Chitty Bang Bang." Tony told him.

Rhodey stared, "Well have fun with this Mr. Potts.

Tony dropped the half engine he was lifting on his foot and turned to stare at Rhodey.

"What?" Rhodey asked.

"I think my foot is broken." Tony said after staring for several long moments.

Rhodey laughed and helped Tony to the medical floor, and laughed even more when he had to explain why he'd dropped the engine on his foot.

But that was fine with Tony because being called Mr. Potts had sounded nice, almost right, he wondered if Pepper would mind and thought about the ring he had hidden in the little trophy she'd had made him out of the first Arc Reactor, it had felt right to hide the ring there, Pepper was proof he had a heart after all.

\---

A\N: just a short thing because I forgot about the flying car what with Bucky's arrival and therapy and so did Steve and Tony but now things are calmer and there's time for Tony to get started, Steve can help when he has time or maybe he'll teach Peter but first he has to get a cast on his foot and hopefully avoid explaining why his foot is broken because they will all laugh at him he knows it, (they don't, they all think it's kind of sweet that he'd take Pepper's name.)

I don't know I like the Idea of Tony leaving the Stark name behind and all of the baggage it gave him, starting a new leaf and life as Mr. Potts husband of Pepper Potts CEO of Stark industries because he knows that changing that name would be more trouble than it was worth and Pepper would agree.

This started because I just had the image of a nerdy scientist attempting, (and mostly succeeding) to build a Tardis and then this happened.

I was going to have the next chapter be Bucky remembering the second 'wedding' he and Steve had during the War, there's a general Idea for it in the comments as a reply to another comment but I was going to flesh it out into a memory thing but well the writing Gods are such fickle beings, aren't they.

And if you don't get why Rhodey is calling Tony Mr. Potts then I suggest watching/reading the summary for the Movie Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.


	9. Chapter 9

He remembers the day they got married, or at least he thinks it's the day they got married, it feels right but it also feels newer than their marriage was, he's not sure if that even makes sense but it sort of does to him.

Bucky sighs and lays down on the floor, Island climbing onto his chest to nap, because she thinks it's nap time since he's laying on the floor.

He closes his eyes because that helps the memories stay focused instead of blurring at the edges making him see more present than past and he like remembering the past, likes that so much of it was entwined with Steve.

The half memories comes and Bucky lets the voice of his Therapist talk him deeper, lets himself sink down into the memory until it feels like he's there again.

There is laughter all around him, teasing grins from men he knows he can trust but whose names escape him.

A man in a Military uniform stands a little higher than him, uncomfortable, grumpy but with a small smile in his eyes, Bucky knows this man, knows he will never acknowledge this day, these next few hours to anyone as long as he lives, to this man even though he stands here today this day never happened, can't have and pieces of who Bucky once was is eternally grateful that this man will not betray them, that this man will grant them this moment.

A woman in a red dress walks down the aisle, slow and calm with her hand in the crook of a man's, (his mustache doesn't really suit him but Howard would never shave it off, not even for his wife) the woman is restraining the man, making him do as she wish, what she held over him Bucky will never know but it amuses him that such a small woman holds Howard under her thumb so easily. But Bucky remembers how much hold his Stevie had over him, even when he was five foot nothing and with a cold to boot.

As the woman guides Howard to stand behind Bucky and takes her own place across from him a group of grown men come stumbling out the doorway, Bucky almost fears they are already drunk and he forces down a laugh at the hastily made flower crowns that each one wears on their head. They toss bullets and leaves as they walk. 

His past self was a little alarmed when one man dropped a few grenades along the way which rolled under one of the few chairs left in the room.

The Uniformed man sighs and Bucky knows that he's looking heavenward as though he's asking for strength.

The men finally stagger to a halt before him and they exchange glances before bursting into song.

Bucky feels a grin take over his real lips to match the one that springs onto the memory's, Steve's song he remembers.

'That's not what we agreed on!' Memory Steve shouts.

The woman in red lets out a joyful laugh before yelling back, 'Get your perfect star spangled butt out here.'

'That's my star spangled butt.' Memory Bucky tells her, tells them.

And then all the noise from teasing laughter fades into the background, because there he is, his Stevie, his heart, soul and anything else he's got.

He's not dressed in white, not even the red, white, and blue he wears into battle.

Someone, Bucky suspects the woman found a nice clean shirt, it's blue and brings out Steve's eyes, his pants are lined and pressed, dark black and a little tight on him, Bucky knows that these are a pair of Howard's pants and somehow knows that the man will take the fact that he got Captain America into his pants to the grave.

Steve looks nice, beautiful even, but he's always been beautiful in Bucky's eyes, even with red rimmed eyes, runny noses and hacking coughs, Steve has always been beautiful, has always been Bucky's.

Steve steps up to stand beside Bucky and Bucky's eyes look at him, toe to head and he barks out a laugh.

'He needed something borrowed that wasn't his clothes.' A gruff man with a mustache thicker than Howard's says with a giggle and yeah they are a little drunk.

Steve's wearing a bowler hat ringed with blue flowers on his head that is trying to hold a little white handkerchief so that it hides Steve's face like a bridal veil, and there's a wing pin there that matches the one on Bucky's jacket and Bucky knows that this one is new because Steve's never worn it before and he's got a ring on a thin chain around his neck and on display for the first time, the something old, Steve's mother's ring that he never thought to give Bucky, and Bucky hadn't asked, Steve gave him his Dad's and Steve got Bucky's mother's and that was that, Sarah's ring belonged with Steve and always would.

God, Bucky thinks, he's never looked more beautiful.

'Hey.' Steve smiles at him and takes his hand.

'Yeah.' Bucky says, 'Yeah. I love you.'

'I love you, too.' Steve tells him and they kiss until the Uniformed man clears his throat.

'Kissing comes after the wedding, boys.' The man says.

And there is more tittering from their guests but it's still perfect, it's still perfect when Howard fumbles with the rings he made them, sending them across the floor and the others chasing after them.

One of them cried out that he's got one and throws it to Steve and Bucky has to laugh because now Steve's got a grenade in his hand and looks so confused until the woman takes it from him, stowing it away in her handbag and Bucky is kind of terrified of this woman.

The rings are collected and Bucky slides Steve's onto his finger and Steve does the same with Bucky's and they kiss and it's perfect.

The boys pull out bottles of booze and the woman brought a cake and Howard brought fondue which makes Steve turn red and the woman laugh.

The man in uniform has cake before leaving them to their celebrations, he will never acknowledge this day again, except in the future, long after the War is done, he'll raise a glass on this day and wish two ghosts a happy anniversary knowing that all the others meet up to do the same together but he can't acknowledge them, the world won't let him and it's not until long after he is dead that it's no longer illegal, no one will ever know that he preformed the first wedding of two men in the military during wartime, no one but a handful of men who take it to their graves, and one woman who doesn't have to.

But in the moment, the memory, everything is perfect.  
:  
:  
:

The therapist draws him back slowly, Bucky is grateful to her for it, she's gentle with him and offers him a tissue for the tears that are falling, she never says a word until after they are gone, until Bucky hands her the wet tissue to throw away.

Sometimes they'll talk about what Bucky remembered, sometimes they won't, today is one of the days where they won't.

They won't because all Bucky wants to do is see Steve and so he nods to his therapist, lifts Island and goes to find Steve.

When he sees him with the Avengers, discussing what movie to watch for their movie night he has so much to say but only one thing comes out.

"Why did you blush at the fondue?" Bucky asks.

And everyone looks at Steve who is blushing again and Bucky smiles.

Yeah, his husband is still perfect.

\---

A/n: i don't know what happened, it was supposed to be serious, even with the Commandoes as flower girls but they couldn't find enough flowers for throwing and the flower crowns so they pooled their ammo and weapons and threw those instead. Please don't throw weapons at your wedding.

And yeah they totally decide to sing 'The Star Spangled Man with a Plan' for Steve to walk down the aisle.

So, have some crack in the middle of a serious fic, I honestly don't know what else I expected from the Commandoes.

Sorry about Bucky not knowing anyone's name but Howard's but I keep forgetting who's who and didn't want to mess up.

On a side note this was fun to write.


End file.
